...I am forever a changed man.... [entries|friends|calendar] drealbuddha [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

1 ate a poodle | Hungry? [23 Sep 2006 ; 2:42 am] ok, so I've had some time to relax since last night, and I've realized, exactly what I want, and while I know it's going to take time before I'm done with school... I'm ok with that... I'm not going to kill myself with classes like I am this semester from now on, and I'm going to do my best, which I've found out, isn't hard when you have the right support. And, I'm also finding myself continuously thinking about just surviving. Not in the making enough money to get by sort of way, but in the Appalachian Trail sort of way... like... if there was one thing that I could dream of doing, that would be it. So that may be what I ask for, from my parents as a graduation gift in the event I finally graduate. I think I may try to get them to pay my car payment for a few months and other bills while I'm gone, and mail off stuff for me along the way. I think that would be reasonable... that'd be like a $1500 graduation gift... I think that they could afford that. It's just a dream right now, but I would love for it to become a real possibility some day. Anyways, I'm tired from working on homework... time for sleep... I hope everyone is well!!!

5 ate a poodle | Hungry? [07 Sep 2006 ; 11:35 pm] After an "extended break," from posting, I'm back... at least for the time being. I'm finally back at ODU... and enjoying getting back into the swing of things. It's about time... I know... I know. I'm actually trying this time around. Imagine that!!! I'm enjoying my classes, well not my physics class, but what can I do about it, besides get an A, which I WILL get. I fully intend on getting straight A's this semester. But I shouldn't put the cart before the horse I suppose. I've been thinking about the way environmental engineering is taking me, and I'm not sure I like it. So I'm thinking, that since I want to change how people go about their everyday lives, I should spend my time creating something that people can use as a replacement for the wasteful, and/or destructive things in their lives, rather that spend my time cleaning up the world for all of mankind. So I'm thinking of going back to mech. engn. I like the course-work, I just had to get a taste for it, and it has a lot less to do w/ chem, which is always a nice plus. I've been reading people's LJ's a lot lately, or at least checking them frequently. So thanks for posting. It's good to hear you're doing ok. I know some are finishing up school this year... congrats... gimme a few years and I'll be there too... I hope. I wish I could move out to norfolk now and be able to afford everything, and still take all my crazy classes, but I've got my work cut out for me as it is. I'd love to have more time to practice my bar flair, but I'll have to settle w/ what little on the job practice I do get. Anyone know of anywhere that's hiring, or rather willing to hire me? LOL... it was worth asking. Well take care all... I'm off to read... it's either more of Chamber of Secrets... yes I finally gave in, and you were right,they're wonderful, or more Atlas Shrugged. I think I'll go w/ the Harry Potter... there are so many things they leave out in the damn movies... I think this very well may make me like them less.

2 ate a poodle | Hungry? [08 Jun 2006 ; 12:03 am] Wow.... I've been playing for I dunno how many hours, I'm taking a break eating some icecream, and relaxing. Gamestop had a great buy two get one free sale going on today, so I got Resident Evil 4, which has consumed most of my time, We <3 Katamari, and Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence for free... :-D YAY!!! I'm stressing out over fall semester, but that's just how I am... tomorrow I'm gonna go looking for a new job, because I only make good money when I'm working Tuesday nights... it's sad that I make more on a Tuesday night than I do on a Saturday night, I might try out Plaza for a short bit, but we shall see...

Hungry? So close.... [16 May 2006 ; 12:27 am] ...finally after a few months of sleepless nights, waking up fifteen times during the night... and just general restlessness... I've been getting back to normal finally... and suddenly I get a phone call early sunday morning... mothers day of all days... and Im right back to those sleepless nights... and random thoughts about where my dads could be, and about my grandad, and what he would say to me right now, and about my grandmother who I can't stand to see anymore because I cant think about anything but my grandad when I'm around her. And now I'm sitting here at 12:30 in the morning, about to go for a run, typing this and getting ready for a 6hr drive to bury my last grandfather. My grandmothers are both 2nd wives... and I can't help but think that he's the last of a generation of MY family... I will never be able to forget spending those few days over spring break seeing him. And I feel horrible for my mother who's most memorable mother's day will most likely be the one her father died on. And today, she spent her birthday picking up her brother from the airport. Oddly enough she just called... so the family viewing is tomorrow at 4:00... we leave at 8... i'm not looking forward to doing any of this... I'm not looking forward to the packing of my bags... for the viewing tomorrow... for the funeral wednesday... for the drive back... I'm excited to see my uncle... but I wish it could be under better circumstances... I just want to go for a run... I'd rather be exhausted for the drive up tomorrow... maybe I'll get some sleep in...

1 ate a poodle | Hungry? Fuck common sense... [23 Apr 2006 ; 3:00 am] [ mood | thoughtful ] I've had the most introspective evening tonight, and that's pretty much the easiest way to put it... I'm tired of worrying what people who aren't even in my life think... any for once I don't. I spent the evening, in fucking windsor, at a friend of a friend or a friends house, talking w/ his sister and her friends, watching as my potential gf hit on a guy, just to piss off this girl that was trying to hang on him. I drove all but 1/2 an hour down to my grandparents on wed. night, spent the evening, stayed the next day, and friday, long enough to realize there are some members of my extended family that I truly dislike, and will be more than happy if I never have to deal with them again in my lifetime... including phone calls... I drove the 5hrs 35min back, nonstop aside from two minutes about 15minutes into the trip for a bathroom break. I realized that I honestly don't believe in god... I think that if there were a god, the world would not be in the state of disarray that it is. People would not be starving to death in foreign countries, or dying of diseases w/ simple cures because of the fact that no one would help. The world would not be constantly polluted on by people who know better, but just don't give a shit. The world is fucked up... and if everyone could learn to live a moral existance, the world would be a much happier place, but until that day comes when pigs can fly... the world is just going to be full of shit. I've been very open and honest about my feelings for those of you reading. I haven't held back if I'm upset with someone, I've been quick to voice it. And yet some people, who I'm honest with, and have been continue to be hostile, which is fine, that's your choice... but like those first three words say... Fuck Common Sense. I've got a little over two weeks to go til the end of the semester, and I fully intend on giving my two-weeks notice at some point this week and getting a new job. I'm going to take a week or two this summer, and go for a nice long hike... at this point all I need is a bed roll, and some food supplies. in the mean time, I'm taking my pack and loading it up w/ anywhere from 45 to 50lbs and hiking for several miles a day just as a light prep for the actual trail. In my free time, I've been spending a lot of time with rachael, whom I honestly enjoy being with, and at this point, I really don't care what anyone else thinks... I just feel fortunate to have her. And while I'm not dating her, I would still like to. I slipped up in my classes towards the end of the semester, but by all calculations, I should still have a solid A in my Dynamics class, and a solid B in my Strengths of Materials Class... possibly better, but it's up to the final. I've got so many things going on in my head right now, it's hard for me to focus on any one thing. But I do know that I'm happy where I'm at. And if I do get to move out to norfolk at the end of the summer like I want, that would be fucking fantastic. If Rachael wants to come, that's great too, fuck, if Bobbi Joe wants to move in, I'd be game for rooming with two girls, I'm just determined to tell all the naysayers(sp?) to go fuck themselves... and fuck what they think... enough ranting, I'm tired from my hike, and a long evening out... sleep time...

Hungry? [03 Apr 2006 ; 5:39 pm] [ mood | peaceful ] I've been ordered to update my journal... so here it goes, it will be expanded upon later when I've got the time, but for now... I've been sleeping as much as possible lately. I've worked my work schedule out, so I only work on bar tuesday nights, and then all day on bar saturday and sunday, and that works out to 36hrs... and average of twelve hours a day... 14.5 on sat, 13.5 on sun, 8 on tuesday.... woohoo... and I'm gonna talk to the slave driver I work for and get him to clock me in as togo or something, because I'm not going to do togo on the weekends for free... in any case, I've been reading The Sword of Shannara Trilogy, and while I'm only 35pgs into it, it's quite good, it's like the lord of the rings except better, because I couldn't get into that series, I only liked the Hobbit. In any case, you should check it out if you ever get the chance. I'm gonna go up to JMU for the semi-formal, where I will once again be one of five white people, two black, in a sea of asianosity... I can't wait, it should be fun, and I'll have an excuse while I'm up there to do some drinking as well... should be fun, along w/ other randomness, it should make for a very enjoyable getaway from work and school. Anyways, I'm off to wet my head down so my hair doesn't stand on end, and head out, get some dinner, and do some more reading, and some homework possibly, that is, I am having a test wednesday in my Strengths of Materials class, and I just had one last wednesday... I'm beginning to hate this teacher, even if this will be an easy test. Alright, bye everyone.

2 ate a poodle | Hungry? Odd dreams... [14 Mar 2006 ; 12:19 pm] So I actually remembered my dream, which is an odd change for those who know me, and it was so long, and complicated, i thought I'd see if anyone was any good at analyzing dreams... so feel free to comment... So I'm watching the new Harry Potter, and now I remember how it started, so I'm running from the dragon, and I'm on the broom stick flying in the sky... and I'm flying up towards the sky, but suddenly there's a ceiling... like a paneled ceileing, like in the Truman Show or something... and so I dodge it, and I'm flying and there are these huge sheet metal mini-wall type things hanging from the ceiling, they're curving, and I'm not sure what they're supposed to do, actually, I remember they were diverting air away from the corners of the structure, and I was using them to corner, and I did this for a while, until the air was really being diverted anymore, and at this rate, I don't know what happens, the broom really isn't there, and I'm just being flung through the air, and I try to slow myself down to land on the big hanging display of tv's... and I manage to partially land on it, it's multi-layered, and my feet are on the bottom, hitting a joystick which makes the thing spin, and my hands are hanging onto the top tv, and somehow there are now more people there with me... and I'm sitting there, and on a nearby semi-connected display of tvs, there's a guy who's been there for a while, who asks if we've got anything to eat? and I say no, and we're chillin' and I fall asleep, and I wake up and he's dancing all around, he got a lb. or two of crispy bacon from some passing fishing boat, and I didn't even really ask him why he didn't get help, because he gave me some bacon, and then, he starts flossing, bear in mind these tvs, and sheet metal things are out over water... so hey, maybe there are some fish... and I ask him if he was soo hungry, why he did use the floss for fishing... maybe catch something, and he goes, I never really thought about it... and he starts to throw away the piece he's been using, and I got mad at him, and made him save it. And suddenly I'm back on land, and this time, I'm driving, and it's not my car, it's some kid's mothers car... and I'm trying to rescue some guy, I'm not even sure what I'm doing at first, I'm just kinda going along with whatever I do... and I show up at this restaurant, except it looks more like a jewelry store with the glass display cases, and there's some cabinets in the wall, and the guy at the register throws a little lit bomb at me, and I run outside, and it blows up, and I run inside, and snatch this guy who's managed to work his way out of the cabinet, despite being tied up in a burlap bag... so I pick him up, and he wants to know what the hell I'm doing, and I tell him I'm saving him, and I'm running back to the car w/ this heavy bag, and I toss him in the back of the car, which is conveniently a convertible, and we escape from the police chasing us... and we're driving, it's not in the United States because the highways look wierd, and there are bi-lingual signs w/ english and spanish on them... and then there's this big ford expedition police truck tailgating us, and we take off, and there's this badass helicopter that's flying around all crazy, and weaving between tight buildings... and I'm not sure how it worked itself in, but there was a scene, almost like it was a movie, were I was in some basement, but it wasn't a basement, it was like a garage under a condo, and the previous owners thought there was stones they could mine, so they had drilled this big ass hole through their brick wall, and through this empty gap, and these guys are checking it out, saying yeah, they were onto something, and the look in the hole, and one of them goes outside in the direction the previous owners had drilled, and took off this huge brick panel that just detached from the wall, and they commented about how they could still do it, even though were was nothing but another building next to this house, and that's what you could see through this hole from the inside, was this well landscaped yard that was about to get torn up... wow... what an interesting set of dreams if I do say so myself... and I do...

1 ate a poodle | Hungry? Unleash the beast!!! [16 Jan 2006 ; 11:26 pm] CAUTION: I kinda go into detail about my snake's feeding below, so if you like small white boy rats, or rats at all for that matter, you probably should be reading what's below... I am victorious bitches!!! After 6 months, my snake has finally eaten, at least eaten anything worthy of being talked about, something with a bit of nutrional value... talk about a long fast. In any case, I gave her a thawed small white male rat, and dangled it in front of her, and she moved around a bit at first, and bit it, a bit sloppily at first, she bit it's side, then she left it and kinda just curled up, so I picked it up very carefully because I know she'd been switched into killer mode like A.M.E.E. in the movie in Red Planet... back to the subject, I picked it up, and dangled it again, and this time she sunk down on it's head, and coiled up in perfect form around it's body, and worked her mouth down its body til not even it's tail was showing which took practically 20 minutes as I stood there and nervously itched at my face and my balls... so now I think I know the trick to feeding my snake, at long long last... and hopefully she'll be a bit more active all around now that we know what she likes to eat, and how. And I'm thinking I'm going to rename her... Harriet is a bit much, not the best name for a snake, while it was cute at first, I'm thinking I'm going to rename her Amee... a little bit more appropriate for something that swallows rats whole.

1 ate a poodle | Hungry? [02 Jan 2006 ; 11:18 pm] The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

1 ate a poodle | Hungry? [30 Dec 2005 ; 1:16 am] [ mood | mellow ] as time goes on, i find myself looking back at the things i've done, and while I couldn't have imagined a year ago, my life turning out as it has, I couldn't be happier... autumn is normally my favorite season... and it was overshadowed by the many things I had going on in my life, and whilst not all of them were good, one thing still remains... and I couldn't be happier, despite everything that's happened, you are still here for me rachael, and while I was beginning to doubt if past feelings ever faded... or if you just grew numb, I've learned that people change, and evolve, and when you look back at the past, it's hard to understand what you were thinking at the time, not regret, but confusion... as for me, I couldn't be happier, this is a stressful time not only for me, but most of the people that are probably reading this... most of us are in the middle of college, we've just gotten through christmas, and it's almost time to go back to school... even for procrastinators like me... and while we keep ourselves busy with work, and school, and whatever else you may be sidetracked by... don't lose sight of what, or who, matter most to you... because when things get rough, all you have are the people you surround yourself with to fall back on...

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